HOW AM I MENTALLY YOU ASK?

Because 2010 has been, as one of my friends would describe as a major "difuckculty", I feel completely hopeless.  I don't want to sit around and say, "why me?"  I suppose it is good for you to know that I suffer from depression.  Ever since I was 10 years old, I have been depressed.  I been through so much in my life, such as abuse and poverty, but I have also made accomplishments.  Considering the background I grew up in, I should have either been dead or a drug dealer or in jail.  But that sort of life was not design for me.  However I do feel like I was put on this Earth to suffer.  If anything, I know what suffering is and quite honestly, I am tired of suffering.  Now I know what you are thinking, "you're not suffering," well I might not be suffering as far as not eating or no place to live, but finacially I am suffering.  I want to do something about my situation, but nothing seems to give.  To stay sane, I try to no think about my money problems, but it is so hard not to.  I am not the type of person to spend money, matter of fact, I am very cheap.  My problem is finding full time employment. I wonder how other people are coping with not being able to work and pay there bills.  Anyway, my state of mind is discouraging.  I am depressed even now as I type in this blog.  I will be thirty soon and I feel like I have not accomplished anything in life nor have I made strides in becoming "financially healthy."  Sometimes I feel like I am not trying hard enough.  I am no the type of person to complain, so I most definately don't do that.  I honestly feel that I will be happier once my financial issues improve, until then, I am not happy.

THE BILL COLLECTORS

And there off!
The bill collectors are now calling my phone once again.  Well in some cases, I should say there automated systems.  That is so frustrating to me.  I have this one bill collector that calls me everyday from a "local" number.  At first I thought someone was calling me about a job and I answered.  Well to my surprise it was "Queen Elizabeth!"  There was a record message from a woman with a british accent asking me to "remain on the line and a representative with be with you shortly."  I really don't know what they are saying verbatim, but anyway, after receiving the call several times, I finally decided to adhere.  But after waiting several minutes on hold, there was another recorded message that stated, "your call could not be connected."  Well needless to say, I have no ideal who this bill collector is or what debt they are trying to collect.  Now I have a total of four collectors calling me.  I am thinking about requesting them as my Facebook friends.  I know these people are doing there job, but what really kills me is when they flat out expect you to make the entire payment right then and there.  I am thinking to myself, "if that was the case, you ass would not be calling me."  It is apparent that these people don't care and why should they.  So that is why when they call, I typically ignore them or if I do speak with them, I always request that they send me a written correspondence pertaining to my debt. 

INTRODUCTION: MY CREDIT PROBLEM

I am creating this blog as an avenue to vent my frustration with my current credit issues.  2010 has not been a good year for me at all and I feel like I am digging myself into financial despair.  I want to be free of these issues that I have created for myself, but I just can't seem to catch a break. To be quite honest, I am not a well person emotionally, mentally, or physically.  Now, let me state, I am not in terrible debt as most people are, but I am not able to tackle the debt that I do have.  At the end of 2008, I filed for bankruptcy and it was discharged the following year.  It seem like a weight off my shoulders and I was finally able to take the correct steps to start my financially healthy life over again. However a couple of months later, after much planning to "never put myself back in the credit situation I was in before," I was fired from my job.  I guess you should never say never.  Since then, I have not been able to find a full time job and furthermore I have not been able to make payments on time.  I have had no other choice but to overdraft bank accounts and forego other bills alltogether.  Now I feel like filing for bankruptcy was a waste of my time, because now I am back in the same situation I was in before I filed for bankruptcy.