HOW AM I MENTALLY YOU ASK?

Because 2010 has been, as one of my friends would describe as a major "difuckculty", I feel completely hopeless.  I don't want to sit around and say, "why me?"  I suppose it is good for you to know that I suffer from depression.  Ever since I was 10 years old, I have been depressed.  I been through so much in my life, such as abuse and poverty, but I have also made accomplishments.  Considering the background I grew up in, I should have either been dead or a drug dealer or in jail.  But that sort of life was not design for me.  However I do feel like I was put on this Earth to suffer.  If anything, I know what suffering is and quite honestly, I am tired of suffering.  Now I know what you are thinking, "you're not suffering," well I might not be suffering as far as not eating or no place to live, but finacially I am suffering.  I want to do something about my situation, but nothing seems to give.  To stay sane, I try to no think about my money problems, but it is so hard not to.  I am not the type of person to spend money, matter of fact, I am very cheap.  My problem is finding full time employment. I wonder how other people are coping with not being able to work and pay there bills.  Anyway, my state of mind is discouraging.  I am depressed even now as I type in this blog.  I will be thirty soon and I feel like I have not accomplished anything in life nor have I made strides in becoming "financially healthy."  Sometimes I feel like I am not trying hard enough.  I am no the type of person to complain, so I most definately don't do that.  I honestly feel that I will be happier once my financial issues improve, until then, I am not happy.